Is there a difference between “tongue-tied” and “speechless”?

Question

Earlier today, a student of mine was telling me a story about how his colleague, upon seeing him wearing an over-the-top jacket, was so surprised that she couldn't say anything.

Question: Which expression would you have said?

"My colleague was tongue-tied when she saw me wearing such an extravagant jacket"
or
"My colleague was speechless when she saw me wearing such an extravagant jacket"

I'd always thought that the two were synonyms, but Merriam Webster defines tongue-tied as "unable to speak because you are nervous or shy" and speechless as "unable to speak because of anger, surprise, etc.", so I'd probably be more inclined to use speechless in this situation.

However, Random House Kernerman Webster's College Dictionary has a broader definition of tongue-tied ("unable to speak, as from shyness, embarrassment, or surprise"), which seems to suggest that speechless and tongue-tied are synonyms.

Your thoughts? How would you use speechless and tongue-tied?

Answer 1

The two sentences have a slightly different denotation, and a significantly different connotation:

My colleague was tongue-tied when she saw me wearing such an extravagant jacket.

This indicates to me that your colleague wanted to say something, but couldn't. She was probably stammering over what she wanted to say, or couldn't get it out because she was nervous.

Because of the connection between tongue-tied and shyness or embarrassment, the phrase tongue-tied can also impart a romantic connotation. For example, "The boy saw the pretty girl, but couldn't compliment her because he was tongue tied."

My colleague was SPEECHLESS when she saw me wearing such an extravagant jacket.

This indicates to me that your colleague couldn't find the words to express what she wanted to say. Either her surprise over seeing you in the jacket (or her anger/jealousy/etc. in seeing you in such and extravagent jacket) simply "took" the words right out of her.

Often times, "speechless" has a negative connotation, because of its connection to anger, jealousy, etc. For example, "My mom was speechless when she heard me cuss out my grandmother." In such a sentence, "tongue-tied" wouldn't be appropriate.

Answer 2

Regardless of the definition (denotation), tongue-tied to me always has a connotation of social awkwardness: you get tongue-tied because of embarrassment, even if the emotion you're trying to express is one of surprise. Speechlessness, on the other hand, has no such connotation: if you're so surprised you're speechless, there's no component of embarrassment.

Another way to think about it is that tongue-tied refers to a self-imposed unwillingness to talk, albeit often a subconscious one: you're so worried about what others will think that you keep revising what you want to say, to the point that nothing comes out. If you're speechless, on the other hand, you don't care one whit for what others think, but the situation is so astounding that you just can't find the words to express what you feel.

Needless to say, I think speechless is the better choice for your extravagant jacket example.

Answer 3

Speechless almost always implies anger, or at least frustration, having been taken by surprise at what one has seen or heard. It could also perhaps mean 'rhetorically defeated for words'.

Tongue-tied suggests a momentary verbal or mental impediment to speech, which could be caused by a variety of factors such as a stammer, ineffectiveness in public, embarrassment social awkwardness etc. It does not usually imply anger.