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I don't know if this sentence is too long, or if it's okay to keep stringing phrases with commas. Any help would be great as my English is not so good.

When I was using the toy truck as a reward for kids who finished all their chores, Mink would work harder than any other kid, just so that he could get a chance to play with the toy truck.

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    I'd remove the second comma. The sentence is long, but fine. Do you mean chores? You could use the simple past to shorten it up: was using/would work => used, worked. – anongoodnurse Sep 15 '14 at 7:02
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    Yes I sure did. Thanks for pointing that out. I also saw the other edits you made to my question and learned a good bit from those too. Thanks for that as well! – newUserNameHere Sep 15 '14 at 7:06
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    My pleasure. :) – anongoodnurse Sep 15 '14 at 7:08
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    The repeat of 'the toy truck' sounds clumsy. I'd rewrite: 'I brought in a toy truck as a reward for kids who finished all their chores. Mink would work harder than all the other kids so that he would get to play with it.' – Edwin Ashworth Sep 15 '14 at 8:27
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It is ok but too long for readers.

Use this

While I was using the toy truck as a reward for who finished all their choirs, Mink would worked harder than any other kid for playing with the toy truck. –

  • Could you suggest an improvement? – newUserNameHere Sep 15 '14 at 6:50
  • This (um) was a comment. Still, please visit the help center for guidance on answers, and how to use this site. – anongoodnurse Sep 15 '14 at 6:51
  • While I was using the toy truck as a reward for who finished all their choirs, Mink would worked harder than any other kid for playing with the toy truck. – Raju yourPepe Sep 15 '14 at 6:53
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    Also, would work, not would worked, and other mistakes. I'm sorry, this is worse than the OP's sentence. – anongoodnurse Sep 15 '14 at 6:55

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