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I'm looking for a good metaphor or idiom for a person who is completely uncharismatic. I'm preferably looking for a phrase that compares the person's charisma to something, such that it would fit the pattern "he had the charisma of _". For example, "he had the charisma of dry paint". The phrase would be used to describe a public figure in a satirical and slightly insulting manner.

closed as too broad by David M, RyeɃreḁd, aedia λ, choster, MrHen Mar 27 '14 at 15:03

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  • This is going to depend entirely on the context. Should it be funny? Serious? Light-hearted? Insulting? Something else? You need to fit it into your context, which only you know. – Kevin Workman Mar 25 '14 at 18:13
  • @KevinWorkman Edited. – nitro2k01 Mar 25 '14 at 18:28
  • I think you really want a metaphor. – David M Mar 25 '14 at 18:28
  • @DavidM Good point. Edited again. – nitro2k01 Mar 25 '14 at 18:31
  • Even with your edit, this is still completely dependent on the context, and I don't think it's a question we can answer. It depends entirely on your audience. A group of government officials will have a different definition of satire than a group of sailors. They'll also find different metaphors more effective. We can only tell you that blue and yellow make green, not how to paint a picture of grass. – Kevin Workman Mar 25 '14 at 18:34
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Cold fish a person who is very reserved or aloof in manner or who lacks normal cordiality, sympathy, or other feeling; an unemotional and unfriendly person;

Where charisma is a spiritual power or personal quality that gives an individual influence or authority over large numbers of people.

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He had the charisma of lawn clippings.

He had the charisma of a block of wood. (John Kerry for example.)

He had the charisma of ... pretty much any inanimate object which is not particularly exciting.

... a log.
... broccoli.
... a potted plant. ... etc.

You could get nastier:

... a soiled diaper.
... cow chips.
... a flat tire.
... cholera.
... etc.

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Similes:

  • as charismatic as a slug

  • as charismatic as smegma

  • as charismatic as pond scum

  • as charismatic as tofu

  • as charismatic as vanilla ice cream without the vanilla

  • as charismatic as an afterbirth

Metaphors:

  • He was a giant yawn in the personality department.

  • She's a walking Sominex pill.

  • Jim's last name isn't Lambent, it's Somnolent!

  • In personality and charisma, Sally is a gaping yawn in a cave of boredom.

  • If you want to get Mr. Charisma's attention, just say, "Hey Morpheus, rise and shine!"

  • His charisma is the epitome of lobotomy.

  • Harold is a walking advertisement for the movie "The Living Dead."

  • @SpehroPefhany: Oops! Call it a Freudian slip? I mean Sominex! I'll edit my answer, now. Thanks! Don – rhetorician Mar 25 '14 at 18:58

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