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The content analysis study our group undertook clearly indicates that, television advertisements and possibly the media as a whole, present children as exhibiting gender stereotypical behaviour.

closed as off-topic by David M, Bradd Szonye, Cerberus, Matt E. Эллен, choster Mar 24 '14 at 23:02

This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:

  • "Proofreading questions are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified." – David M, Bradd Szonye, Cerberus, Matt E. Эллен, choster
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    What is it that you object to? – David M Mar 24 '14 at 20:40
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Almost. Your first comma is in a bad spot. Move it to after "advertisements" - like so:

The content analysis study our group undertook clearly indicates that television advertisements, and possibly the media as a whole, present children as exhibiting gender stereotypical behaviour.

Here's a rule of thumb. When you're putting in an interjection like this, you should be able to remove everything between the commas and still have the sentence still make sense.

Compare my version, which looks like this:

The content analysis study our group undertook clearly indicates that television advertisements present children as exhibiting gender stereotypical behaviour.

And the original, which doesn't quite work:

The content analysis study our group undertook clearly indicates that present children as exhibiting gender stereotypical behaviour.

  • When I place the comma after advertisements the green grammatical error line appears under " that television advertisements", any suggestions? – David McGee Mar 24 '14 at 20:38
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    Ignore it. Almost always. – Edwin Ashworth Mar 24 '14 at 20:40
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    @DavidMcGee The grammatical advice from Microsoft Word is on par with ethical lessons from a politician. It may appear to know what it is talking about, but in the end it is just blowing hot air. – David M Mar 24 '14 at 20:49
  • You make a great point. I had to make sure though as sometimes MS word is correct when it comes to small, grammatical errors. – David McGee Mar 24 '14 at 21:10
  • The problem is that MS Word tends to think like a middle school English teacher, in that it thinks English has strict same grammar rules like Latin. So, take what MS Word says only as suggestions. – SamC Mar 25 '14 at 14:04
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Arguably it is grammatical, but it is difficult to read because it tends to ramble. There are also a number of big words in close proximity. It needs splitting up and to be more punchy. I would say:

Our group's "content analysis study", indicated one thing above all. TV advertising depicts children's behaviour in gender stereotypes. Indeed, that tends to be true of the media as a whole.

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