0

I wrote the following line in my thesis acknowledgment, while talking about my supervisor who carefully edited my thesis.

If this thesis reads uncluttered and effective, it would be for his elaborate, meticulous feedback.

I am not sure if this sentence is grammatically right (reads - would). Also does it make a claim that my thesis is so and so, or rightly conveys the conditional context?

My brain became completely numb after two months of writing. Can anyone please edit this sentence for me?

closed as off-topic by Hellion, nohat Aug 20 '13 at 20:37

This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:

  • "Proofreading questions are off-topic unless a specific source of concern in the text is clearly identified." – Hellion, nohat
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

0

How about this?

If the reader finds this thesis uncluttered, if this writing has been at all effective, it is because of the elaborate and meticulous feedback of my supervisor.

Here you give the reader the opportunity to come to their own conclusion while clearly pointing to the help you were given. This version may come off as a little grandiose, however.

  • I am going for > If the reader finds this thesis uncluttered, it is because of the elaborate and meticulous feedback of my supervisor. Thanks! – user50146 Aug 20 '13 at 18:39
0

I think this is a better edit:

"If this thesis reads effectively, it is thanks to the elaborate and meticulous feedback of my supervisor."

You don't really need the word "uncluttered" since effectively covers it well!

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.