If when I am hungry I can command someone to "feed me", what is the equivalent command when I am thirsty? For years I have joked with friends that it must be "quench me", however, I doubt that this is right.
Firstly, of course, the object of ‘quench’ must be a thirst or desire of some kind—not the person who is thirsty or desirous. But I take it you know that, and that is why you say you’ve joked with your friends.
‘Quench’ is not a real equivalent for ‘feed’. The latter simply means to give someone food (whether it fills them up or not), while the former means to extinguish a thirst. In other words, ‘quench’ is the liquid counterpart to ‘sate’
I don’t know of a word that specifically corresponds to ‘feed’, but for liquid items; I would guess there isn’t one. But since you can say of babies that they feed on breast milk, and breast milk is liquid, I guess you might at a stretch be able to expand ‘feed’ to include liquids, too. I wouldn’t count on others to understand it out of context, though.
On a more historical note, ‘feed’ is in origin simply an i-umlaut causative¹ of ‘food’. If we apply this same strategy to ‘drink’, we arrive at a verb that does exist, but has developed a slightly different meaning over the centuries: drench.
So if you are just looking to joke with your mates, you might say, “I am hungry—feed me! I am thirsty—drench me!”
¹ In the older stages of the Germanic languages, i-umlaut, from the Proto-Germanic suffix -j(a), in its turn from the Proto-Indo-European causative suffix -ei̯e/o-, is the most common way of denoting causative verbs meaning ‘make someone do X’.
I'm surprised this isn't here . . . hydrate me!
hydrate - transitive verb
1: to cause to take up or combine with water or the elements of water
2: to supply with ample fluid or moisture
Hydrate - intransitive verb
Examples of HYDRATE:
"lotions and creams that hydrate the skin"
"Drink fluids to hydrate the body."
Here is another one, which may sound unusual but which I think any native speaker will immediately understand:
The Free Dictionary gives as the first sense:
To satisfy (a craving); quench: slaked her thirst.
and as the third sense:
To cool or refresh by wetting or moistening.
How about this:
If you are the maitre d' commanding a waiter, you say, "Serve them the 2007 Merlot."
If you are the medic at a race, you say, "Hydrate the runners."
If you are a cowboy you say, "Water the horses."
If you are a nursing coach, you say, "Feed the baby."
If you are dying of thirst, you say, "Water, please."
If you are joking with buddies, you say, "Beer me."
If you are a petulant tyrant, you say, "Drown me," and hopefully someone does.