I'm trying to write a sentence that sounds like Shakespeare, a sentence that means "If you drink a shitty coffee instead of a nice chai, then you can save money".

Does the sentence "Shitty coffee a day instead of a joyful chai hence saves you money" have the same meaning as the above, and is it grammatically correct?

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    Using "shitty" instantly prevents your sentence from sounding anything like Shakespeare. Although he was a master of using crude language (especially when he wrote about country matters), he was never vulgar. – user21497 Feb 7 '13 at 1:56
  • I'd be inclined to agree. Shitty sounds very contemporary. – Valkenburgh Feb 7 '13 at 3:53
  • @BillFranke It's just different vocabulary. "NURSE: God ye good morrow, gentlemen. MERCUTIO: God ye good e'en, fair gentlewoman. NURSE: Is it good e'en? MERCUTIO: 'Tis no less, I tell you, for the bawdy hand of the dial is now upon the prick of noon." – MetaEd Feb 7 '13 at 4:44
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    @MετάEd: Shakespeare was crude ("bawdy", as he says) but not vulgar; "shitty" is vulgar in all contexts, even in the locker room (where all the pricks, big and little, hang out), where it belongs. He was imaginative in his use of crude language. "Shitty coffee" is just offal, AFAIC -- and I don't think I'm being particularly clever here, just not IYF (in your face). :-) – user21497 Feb 7 '13 at 5:58
  • Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. – Jon Hanna Feb 7 '13 at 11:29

Five feet of iambs always gives a Bardian air to text. How about this pentameter?

'twill swell the purse to toss the tea for mud.

But, to answer your question rather than merely supplant its suggestion, I would agree that your new sentence does have the same meaning. It is not, however, grammatically correct. We would not say, "apple a day" (and nor would Shakespeare); it would be "An apple" or "A shitty coffee." Also, it would be "rather than" instead of "than" and "hence" is not necessary (indeed, it merely interrupts the flow of the sentence). I realize you've made these substitutions/elisions to achieve an effect, but if I were you I'd focus on keeping grammatically pure while choosing a meter (pattern of accented syllables) that best mimics Shakespeare's typical verse (hence the suggestion above and the link to iambic pentameter).

Good luck!

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    The Bard also liked to embed puns; this option has two: "Bag the tea and sip the average joe," – although I wasn't able to mention anything about about a cost savings in just five iambs (though one could follow that with "And over time your penny cup will grow"). – J.R. Feb 7 '13 at 15:57

Perhaps you should consider

Forsaking toothsome chai and swilling coffee from the trough doth add a pretty penny to my purse.

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