Things to do with dogs

Question

My character is trying to convince his girlfriend to let him keep his new puppy in their apartment. She opposes fiercely, because she doesn't like dogs and feels her space would be invaded. They have an argument, which ends with her saying:

There will be no further __[word pertaining to dogs]__ in this house.

My question is what word would mean "anything/everything dog related"?  It would be nice if there was a word ending in "ry". I could invent one, like "mongrelry", but I wonder if there aren't better alternatives.

Answer 1

Having thought of canininity, I found that OED does actually contain a similar word:

caninity noun

From Latin canīnus, after humanity.

1. Canine quality or trait; dog nature or race.

   1879 G. MacDonald Sir Gibbie I. ix. 131 A lover of humanity can hardly fail to be a lover of caninity.

2. Sympathy with dogs, kindness to dogs.

   1886 Sat. Rev. 27 Feb. 289/1 The humanity of the wire muzzle, or rather its enlightened caninity.

"Sympathy with dogs" seems to fit the bill — "There will be no further caninity in this house!"

Answer 2

Dogginess: the quality or characteristic of being doggy

Source: Collins Dictionary

Answer 3

Let's go from Latin to Greek.

No cynoids or cynoid creatures

The suffix -oid refers to the object's shape or form. So an ovoid is egg-shaped. Well, people will insist on mixing Latin and Greek in the same word, and ovum is definitely Latin. Strictly, It should be oyyoid, to be Greek and oviform to be purely Latin-derived, but never mind that. We can't fight usage. The point is that the ending oid is regularly used in a derogatory sense. So if I refer to someone as a humanoid, it will be understood as contemptuous: perhaps human in appearance only.

Cynoid has the further objection that cyn has already been bagged by people wanting to accuse others of cynicism, a quit different defect, unknown in relation to any dogs I know.

You could go ahead and mix Latin and Greek and use canoid (pronouncing the first syllable to rhyme with the brother of Abel). That may have the better of both worlds: to be understood and to be insulting.

Answer 4

Consider:

There will be no further barking in this house.

This sort-of works on a literal level:

Lexico:

Utter (a command or question) abruptly or aggressively.
‘he began barking out his orders’

American Heritage Dictionary:

To speak sharply; snap: "a spot where you can just drop in ... without anyone's barking at you for failing to plan ahead" (Andy Birsh).

but the kicker is the double entendre: “bark” is also the word commonly used to describe the sound made by a dog.

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But, with all due respect to the answer with 10 votes, there doesn’t seem to be any good single word. So consider:

There will be no further barking up that tree in this house.

which is a reference to the idiom “barking up the wrong tree”, which can mean pursuing a futile course of action:

The Free Dictionary:

To attempt or pursue a futile course of action, often by making some kind of suggestion or request.

theidioms.com:

waste one's efforts by pursuing the wrong thing or path

(while still retaining the dog relevance).

Answer 5

There will be no dog or dog-related objects in my house!

or

There will be no dog or dog-paraphenalia in my house!

A similar example about YoYos from the Simpsons.

Spoken English doesn't have a good one-word word for dog-stuff. Something like 'Caninery' sounds like you are dong it to sounds strange on purpose and will confuse the reader -- unless of course you are trying to portray the woman as one who uses strange words.

Answer 6

Doggery fits nicely with a more colloquial tone. It is used figuratively also. It has other meanings too (like "a kennel" in US English or "a disreputable drinking establishment" in slang) but it can cover your definition as well.

OED definition:

Doglike behaviour; mean and contemptible action; mischievousness; an instance of this.

Collins definition:

1. doglike behavior or conduct, esp. when surly
2. dogs collectively

Funnily, the word can indicate the mischievous behavior of both the dog and the human.

Answer 7

dog shit

This seems to combine the type of consequences† of admitting animals into human dwellings with the colloquial meaning of the related “Bullshit”, and is clearly the right sort of expression with which to conclude an argument. No shit!

† Hair, fleas, smells, scratched furniture etc., even if the dog is house-trained.

Alternatively:

bitchiness

seems apposite (if politically incorrect). One might expect it coming from the man rather than the woman, but consider it as irony.

or perhaps, in the US:

doggone nonsense

or even:

doggerel

as one really can’t take this too seriously. (And these are the sort of things a PhD student might come up with.)