The use of tense with words ending -ed and -ing

Question

When attempting to write a story, I get a little jumbled up, especially on tenses and the correct usage. In particular, I get confused over the usage of seemingly past tense (words ending in -ed) and words ending in -ing used in the same sentence. For example:

Standing up straight, John relaxed tense muscles. Much like Sylar, he had been alarmed when first the beast appeared over the mountain’s crest. Slowly, it had trekked down the snow-laden landscape towards the two, pausing only when it was fifty or so feet away. There it perched itself upon its throne of snow and ice, staring with piercing eyes at the two humans who had intruded into its domain.

My beginning sentence starts in the present, but quickly slips to what the main character had seen just moments prior. I utilize what I believe is past-present (had trekked), then present (pausing). If someone could correct my sentences and explain why that would be much appreciated.

Answer 1

UNLESS you have edited the quoted paragraph in the original question to reflect the corrections suggested by the kind members, THE ORIGINAL PARAGRAPH IS PERFECTLY FINE FOR A NOVEL OR SHORT STORY! Don't worry about shifting to the 'had' form for once in a while, because it is always done by creative writers.

As long as you don't make glaring grammatical errors, there is a great deal of linguistic leeway available in writing fiction. Since I couldn't detect grammatical errors in the original paragraph in question, the detailed corrections so kindly and rigorously suggested appear optional.

Perfect grammar in terms of tenses is not really expected in creative writing, but internal consistency of tenses is certainly mandatory. DON'T BE SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT YOUR WRITING -- YOU ARE DOING JUST FINE! (Not to boast, but reading literary fiction is my long-time speciality, so I ought to know)

Answer 2

Your assessment of the problem is mistaken.

Verbs beginning with "have" (had trekked) are called "perfect", and should be used when the action is complete.

The way your paragraph is written, it implies that all the movements of the beast had been completed before John stood up. Is this what you meant? John is stretching and relaxed, now, after the animal had approached him?

Off topic, but:

John relaxed tense muscles

Are these John's tense muscles, or does he just have this effect on the muscles of onlookers? If the former, say so.

Slowly, it had trekked down the snow-laden landscape

1. That adverb should be next to the verb it modifies. There are situations where you want to begin with an adverb -- typically, when the adverb logically describes the entire sentence, "Miraculously, I found my wallet exactly where I dropped it in the milling crowd" -- but this is not one of them.
2. "Trekking" is taking a long journey, not necessarily slowly and not necessarily by foot. Consider "plod", "shuffled", "ambled" -- whatever near-synonym for "walked slowly" that best describes the motion of the animal as you see it.
3. "Laden" means "carrying". A branch might be snow-laden; the bed of a snow-plow might be snow-laden; the edge of a cliff might be snow-laden. A landscape is merely "snowy".

There it perched itself upon its throne of snow and ice, staring with piercing eyes at the two humans who had intruded into its domain.

This is a mixed metaphor: perching means to sit or stand in the manner of a bird; a throne is the seat of a king. Together they just don't work. Pick one. The domain is the realm of a king, so if you keep "throne", you can keep domain, but if you go with "perch" you have to find a word to suggest the area a particular bird considers is own territory.