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I am trying to rephrase a sentence :

I believe that life is like a “signed, blank check” and therefore, the beneficiary should make the decisions that revolve around his/her self-satisfaction and happiness otherwise; it would lead to a “bounced check”.

What I mean from the above statement is one should work in the area that keeps him happy and satisfied. I am not having a good feeling about the above statement but I kind of like the idea.

Do you think it is too vague or am I trying to forcefully put across an idea?

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This sentence is 100% grammatically correct, which means that it probably belongs on writers. –  Ataraxia Oct 29 '12 at 2:18
    
Yes. 100% belongs on writers -- off-topic on ELU. –  Kris Oct 29 '12 at 8:50
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closed as off topic by MετάEd, StoneyB, Mahnax, Kris, RegDwigнt Oct 29 '12 at 10:32

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2 Answers

Because the formatting in the question makes the sentence difficult to read, I'm repeating it here:

ORIGINAL: I believe that life is like a “signed, blank check” and therefore, the beneficiary should make the decisions that revolve around his/her self-satisfaction and happiness otherwise; it would lead to a “bounced check”.

REVISION: Life is like a “signed, blank check”. The beneficiary should fill in the blank with a number that will satisfy his needs rather than his greed; otherwise, the check will bounce.

This keeps your metaphor and corrects the punctuation. But it doesn't imply, any more than the original does, that happiness comes from working "in the area that keeps him happy and satisfied".

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+1 to compensate for the senseless downvote. –  Ataraxia Oct 29 '12 at 2:56
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Thank you. There's some kind of demon or demented downvoter lurking about, it's true. Too many questions and answers are downvoted for no apparent reason, and no reasons are given. I think ELU should require reasons for downvotes: they can be helpful. I always give reasons for the rare downvotes that I give. –  user21497 Oct 29 '12 at 4:04
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I think I understand what you are trying to say, and this is what I would write to put across the same message:

"Life is short, and you should consequently make the most of it. Too many people trade their mental and physical health for material gains, but is that what makes you truly happy? No. True happiness comes from things other than money; it comes from doing what you love and being around those you love. This is what truly matters in life."

Does this help at all? I think the check metaphor is good, but I can't quite think of a way to phrase it so that it effectively portrays that message, other than seeing it as a 'deal with the devil (money)'.

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