Take the 2-minute tour ×
English Language & Usage Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for linguists, etymologists, and serious English language enthusiasts. It's 100% free, no registration required.

I am writing an essay for class and I want to write something about my power-lifting regimen. The problem is that I can not come up with a good starting line. Every thing I come up with seems clumsy and flawed.
So after some thinking I've come to decide how to start but I am having trouble with certain phrases. Here is what I have come up with so far

The bar sits ever so stubbornly in the palm of my hands, waiting for that one chance to bring me down, both literally and figuratively.

I am a non-native English speaker and I am struggling with making it sound right. Can you help me in making this sentence better-sounding.

share|improve this question
2  
Hi Bidit Acharya, this sounds like a great question for writers.stackexchange.com –  JAM Oct 17 '12 at 4:17
    
@JAM - This was closed there; rephrasing requests are off-topic there, since there cannot possibly be a single correct answer. Longer critique questions, however, are fine, although there are guidelines even for those. –  Neil Fein Oct 18 '12 at 2:25
    
@NeilFein thanks for letting me know. Pity, though. I should have thought rephrasing would be a good fit with the site. Sure there can't be a single correct answer, but it would be such a good discussion. –  JAM Oct 18 '12 at 2:58
    
@JAM - You point out the problem: Stack Exchange sites are not meant for discussion, they're question and answer sites, not discussion forums. –  Neil Fein Oct 18 '12 at 3:26
add comment

closed as off topic by MετάEd, StoneyB, Cameron, Kris, coleopterist Oct 17 '12 at 5:08

Questions on English Language & Usage Stack Exchange are expected to relate to English language and usage within the scope defined by the community. Consider editing the question or leaving comments for improvement if you believe the question can be reworded to fit within the scope. Read more about reopening questions here.If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

2 Answers

It sounds pretty good to me. I'm not sure if you need the "both literally and figuratively" comment unless your going to be saying more about the literal and figurative nature of it.

It's a pretty nice sentence. Maybe you should clarify what kind of bar it is for someone who is not familiar with power-lifting. Can you say the "bar bell" or something like that which introduces the context?

share|improve this answer
add comment

How about this?: The bar lies stubbornly in my palms, waiting quietly for its next chance to bring me down.

share|improve this answer
add comment

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.