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I'm writing an article about the family and how it can change a person's life in the future.

I need a word that tells the readers about a family in which the parents have not been good enough to teach their kids social skills and generally those things they will need in the future to be able to live well.

  • The word must be formal (and polite).

I searched the dictionary for some words, but I'm not sure if they are the right words to be used with family. I found the following:

Inefficiency, incompetence, inadequacy, ineptitude, inefficacy

None of the dictionaries I checked (Longman and Oxford) mention whether or not this is the right word to be used with family. Ineptitude of family?

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Not sure what you are looking for with 'polite'. It is impolite to criticize the manner of someone's upbringing. Perhaps, they did not have the benefit of a good upbringing – Jim Oct 11 '12 at 6:54
Well, you're right. But this is kind of a psychological study and not a personal criticism. I also found "dysfunction of family". This seems polite I think! – Manoochehr Oct 11 '12 at 6:56
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Good, I thought about suggesting dysfunctional – Jim Oct 11 '12 at 6:57
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Dysfunctional family is a widely used term, with more than 5 million Google hits. There's also the parenting philosophy of "benign neglect." – JLG Oct 11 '12 at 12:37
In French, you might refer to the children as “poorly raised”, as a comment on the parents. It sounds a bit strange in English, though. – Jon Purdy Oct 11 '12 at 20:08
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3 Answers

up vote 3 down vote accepted

Irresponsible

This should fit the bill of describing the core issue, whilst not judging manners broadly, nor performing character assassinations.

I think dysfunctional is also insufficient because functionalism can come under heavy debate.

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downvotes should have the courtesy to comment – NewAlexandria Oct 11 '12 at 20:01
up vote 2 down vote

The same issue would come up if you wanted to express any other negative thing about a person in a formal, polite way.

The truly descriptive words might be things like "incompetent" or "irresponsible". But those are clearly highly charged words.

The common way to make such statement more polite is to tone them down. Instead of saying someone was "incompetent", say "they were less than completely competent", etc. That works in a personal conversation where the other person will likely understand what you mean. I'm not sure it works in the kind of scholarly discussion you're describing, where it could be taken literally -- they had minor failings -- rather than as a polite understatement.

Still, anything truly descriptive will be harsh.

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up vote -1 down vote

I suggest uncouth, uncivil, mannerless

uncouth is defined as Lacking good manners, refinement, or grace.

I'm not sure there's a polite way to say it though.

dysfunctional sounds more polite but it is a more general term; there are many different ways that a family can be dysfunctional.

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I think the OP is about more than just a lack of manners. – 5arx Oct 11 '12 at 15:43

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