“Regret” vs. “remorse”

Question

I would like to better understand when I have to use regret and when remorse.

In Italian we have two words:

• Rimpianto: used when I'm sad because I didn't do something in the past (e.g. I didn't buy a staff and now it costs the double).
• Rimorso: used when I'm sad because I did something wrong in the past (e.g. I offended a friend and now we don't talk anymore).

I read the dictionary and it seems that the word regret can be used as the world rimorso.

A feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.

The word remorse, on the other hand, confused me because it is defined as

Deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed.

So, what are the correspondence of rimorso and rimpianto in English?

Answer 1

Remorse is deeper and stronger than regret. One sense of regret is

A feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.

You may have associated regret with Italian "rimorso" because a deed was done. But regret is not limited to the above sense; it can also be used to talk about deeds that weren't done, ie also has sense

A feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that hasn't happened or hasn't been done.

Regret thus seems to correspond with your "rimpianto" in that, in your example, you focus on the deleterious consequences of an action (or inaction).

As well, regret may be used of acts (of commission or omission) performed by others.

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Remorse addresses the speaker's moral sense of personal guilt. It is directed inward, a gnawing feeling of distress over one's own responsibility for one's own grave error—in many cases a sense of having sinned; while regret is directed outward—an unmoralized feeling of distress over the unhappy consequences of an act which may have been performed (or omitted) by anyone.

So remorse can be your rimorso if, in your example, you are using the same sense of "doing something wrong."

Answer 2

The meanings overlap, but they are not the same.

An easy way to get the idea is that regret is for doing something stupid while remorse is for doing something immoral.

You lend your neighbour some money and he leaves town without paying it back - you may regret lending him that money, but probably wouldn't feel remorse.

You have an affair and get caught, your wife is heartbroken, then you may well feel remorse for what you did (though possibly not regret!)