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My English grammar is rusty and I have not kept up with grammar rules. So, please bear with me, while I struggled to frame the title of my question. What I want accomplished is a paragraph that is short, sweet and one that does not confuse the reader with repetitive detail. I get the feeling that my sentences below could be framed better. I have the following paragraph:

**To start building the system, begin with a phrase or one sentence summary   
that defines the system.  
“The Heat system models a two-dimensional heat diffusion experiment”  
 - This one-sentence summary characterizes your system. **

I am going to be using the above paragraph in a Powerpoint slide. So, I want something that conveys the idea quickly.I am aware that I am using either some form of narrative (first, second or third person??)
Any help in making it better is welcomed. Sorry if I have not done my research very well.

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closed as too localized by RegDwigнt Aug 8 '12 at 22:59

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I'm afraid I'm having trouble understanding your paragraph. What is the relationship between the second sentence (in quotation marks) and the first and third sentences? –  JAM Aug 8 '12 at 21:07
    
Okay. I will re-frame the paragraph. –  ilango gurusamy Aug 8 '12 at 21:09
    
I was meaning to say that the sentence in quotation marks is the "phrase or one sentence summary" alluded to in the first sentence. And I rephrased the third sentence to make the context clearer. –  ilango gurusamy Aug 8 '12 at 21:14

2 Answers 2

up vote 3 down vote accepted

Use a phrase or sentence that defines the system to start building it. For example, This system models a two-dimensional heat diffusion experiment.

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That is nice. Thanks to @JAM and you. –  ilango gurusamy Aug 8 '12 at 21:26

I don't think you want to start with "to start building." (I'm assuming that you are refering to some sort of high-level system requirement, one that forms a frame of reference, to let the system developer(s) come to an understanding of what will be built.)

If I'm correct, that seems more like a precursor to building the system, rather than the actual start. So, you might say,

Before building the system, write a concise system definition. For example:
• “The heat system models a two-dimensional heat diffusion experiment”

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