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My sentence:

My shop has overtaken his shop in business.

Will it be okay if I rewrite it as:

My shop has overtaken his shop's business.


Requst: Please consider re-titling the question if necessary...

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In the second, it would be better if you said 'My shop's business' so that both parts match. – Karl Jul 9 '12 at 10:30
To amplify what Karl said: as written, your second sentence could be read as "My shop has taken over his shop's business." (Yes, I know that that's not a legitimate definition of "overtake", but readers will often assume you've made a grammatical or spelling error - and "correct" it into a meaning you did not intend - if your original meaning was unclear.) – MT_Head Jul 9 '12 at 17:05
up vote 1 down vote accepted

You don't need to repeat the Noun, just:

My shop has overtaken his.

Now, about the Prepositional Phrase at the end, "in business" is kind of redundant because shops are of course expected to compete "in business" unless you specify otherwise (e.g. "in popularity" etc.)

I have often seen "overtake" used with the Preposition "as," as in:

Ex. My shop has overtaken his as the (city's) top supplier of _.

Or, like you thought, it's used with the Preposition "in" :

Ex. My shop has overtaken his in net profits.

Ex. My shop has overtaken his in sales.

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It’s almost impossible to comment helpfully on a sentence such as that in isolation. If you try to imagine the context, what might actually occur is something like Yeh, my business has been doing really well lately. In fact, my turnover overtook his for the first time last month.

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