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We are a group of web developers, creating our online presence ...
We chose this slogan,

"Web passionate young powers at your service"

  • Is this proper English?
  • Does this hold any "contempt" on our side when using "at your service" in western traditions?
  • Any suggestion for a similar meaning one?
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closed as off topic by RegDwigнt Feb 28 '12 at 10:45

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I wouldn't show any contempt if I saw that. The only thing I would have problems with, is whether or not the "young" was a noun or an adjective. Are you "web passionate young" who power for our service, or "young powers" who are web passionate, waiting on us? –  Bidella Feb 28 '12 at 10:09
    
it's young powers. –  Naughty.Coder Feb 28 '12 at 10:21
3  
This slogan is word salad. There's simply no way to figure out how the words relate to each other. –  David Schwartz Feb 28 '12 at 10:53
1  
This is getting way outside the scope of EL&U, but I thought I should say: your slogan has things backwards. You concentrate on the Features you possess. You should concentrate on the Benefits you can deliver. (See businesscoaching.typepad.com/the_business_coaching_blo/2009/08/… to learn more.) –  Pitarou Feb 28 '12 at 11:09

3 Answers 3

up vote 3 down vote accepted

Your slogan needs a lot of work. I've read through it half a dozen times, and can't figure out what you're trying to say. There are so many problems, I hardly know where to begin (sorry to be so blunt, but, I'm guessing you're soliciting candid feedback, so I may as well do my best to provide that).

Are you trying to say that you are a young company, passionate about what you do, and eager to serve its customers? If that's what you're saying, you've put the words together in the wrong order. Something like "Passionate young web developers at your service" would be much better.

That said, I still think it needs a lot of work. Here's why:

1) Young is a poor word choice. Sure, "young" can imply youthful and energetic, but it also conveys inexperience. I would be very hesitant to business with a company whose slogan emphasizes a lack of seasoned leadership.

2) "At your service" is something that a concierge might say at a hotel, or a waiter might say in a restaurant, but it doesn't seem to fit well with a web development company.

3) What do you mean by powers? It's very hard to determine what you are alluding to. The power of the web? The power of your developers? The power of your company?

4) Passionate may not be a good word selection, either. One online dictionary lists three meanings for this word. One is enthusiastic, which is fine, but the other two meanings are "easily aroused to anger," and "swayed by sexual desire". I don't think either of those are what you're trying to say!

I'll take a stab at offering an improved slogan: Dedicated to harnessing the power of the web for you.

Dedicated is a word I'd use instead of passionate; "for you" can convey "at your service" without sounding so trite. Harness implies that you are working toward letting your customers get all they can from the Internet.

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Wow , this was just a great analysis.. This is what I call , A SUPERIOR ANSWER ! –  Naughty.Coder Feb 28 '12 at 10:48
    
Might use your suggested slogan after the team meets. –  Naughty.Coder Feb 28 '12 at 10:49

Web passionate young powers at your service

There’s nothing wrong with at your service, but Web passionate young powers is an ugly crash blossom. Is young a noun or an adjective? Is powers a verb or a noun?

I think you’re trying to squeeze too much into your slogan. How about just:

The web, at your service

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Lol , I felt the same when I read it again and again trying to figure out what makes it un natural. –  Naughty.Coder Feb 28 '12 at 10:49
    
I like this version. Sounds like a giant genie coming to you and say in a respectful baritone...**The WEB...is at your service**! –  karthik Feb 28 '12 at 18:04
    
+1 for this one. –  karthik Feb 28 '12 at 18:04

Considering my comment above, I thought maybe I might put it into an answer.

I'm assuming that you are meaning "young powers" that are 'web passionate' in your slogan. How about switching the position of "young"?

Young web passionate powers at your service

Or maybe try another word from "powers":

Web passionate young guns at your service.
Web-passionate young professionals at your service.

Putting the hyphen there may also help in reading.

Overall, your slogan is pretty good. It's short, punchy, and will work well.

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Well ... comparing your answer to mine, I think there’s some room for debate. :-) –  Pitarou Feb 28 '12 at 10:34
    
@Pitarou, the OP clarified that "young" was an adjective. And yes, there is quite a difference between yours and mine:) –  Bidella Feb 28 '12 at 10:38
    
Nice suggestions.. I like "Web passionate young guns at your service" , sounds better than powers. –  Naughty.Coder Feb 28 '12 at 10:46
    
@Bidella I’m quite capable of parsing that sentence. My point is that it’s not easy to parse. A sentence that is hard to parse, fails. A slogan that is hard to parse fails utterly. And ... well ... put it this way, all the memorable corporate slogans I can think of (and if it’s not memorable, it fails) are no more than four words long. –  Pitarou Feb 28 '12 at 10:58
    
@Pitarou, I get you now. And yes, I agree with you. A slogan shouldn't be hard to parse at all. –  Bidella Feb 28 '12 at 11:17

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