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I always found it weird to hear people say things like "My friend asked me to come" (with no prior mention of said friend), as opposed to "A friend of mine asked me to come". To me it seems as though the former would imply that the speaker has just one friend. I think this usage is well widespread though, but is there any concern about its correctness?

I don't see a similar pattern in use for words other than "friend" (perhaps for family members such as "brother" as well?). Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think "You can read about that in my book" would be an unusual thing to say if I'm the author of several books on the same subject matter, unless the particular book I'm referring to is clear in context.

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I think it is appropriate to use that phrase when there is no need to mention other friends or siblings. If the listener desires more information, he can surely ask for clarification, but I don't think anyone would assume they only had one friend. Someone may want to only give minimum of information about friends and family members unless the listener knew the person better. My coworker, my pastor could be other examples of that pattern, and there are probably more. –  Spare Oom Jul 13 '11 at 23:51
It's possible that this usage is regional. I don't think I heard "my friend" used this way much in California, but I hear it all the time in the Northeast. –  Peter Shor Feb 12 '12 at 14:18

3 Answers 3

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The question here is: is "my" a definite personal pronoun, or just a personal pronoun? I believe the answer is that in most dialects of English, "my" is a definite personal pronoun, so you should use "my friend" whenever you would use "the friend", and "a friend of mine" or "one of my friends" when you would say a friend.

Evidence for this is this Ngram, which shows that "a friend of mine" is roughly an eighth as common as "my friend", but "the friend of mine" has vanishingly small frequency. People wouldn't say "a friend of mine" if "my friend" had the same meaning (this is why people don't say "the friend of mine").

The word "my" is a definite personal pronoun for most other nouns in English as well. If you're asking about suitable attire for some event, you'd ask "should I wear a suit?" and not "should I wear my suit?" unless you only had one suit. There may be some exceptions for relatives (I think you can say "his brother", "his grandmother", even though he has more than one, but you'd probably say "a cousin of his" or "one of his cousins"). There are definitely exceptions for some body parts (e.g., it's "take my hand", not "take one of my hands", even though it's "I'll give you a hand" and not "I'll give you the hand").

In the Northeast of the U.S., I hear "my friend" used quite often as an indefinite personal pronoun. This was very disconcerting when I first moved here, but I'm used to it now. I think that here, "friend" is another exception that falls into the same category as brother and daughter.

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Actually, usage does fit that pattern for many other words:

My teacher told me to study for the upcoming test.

My book sold 1 million copies!

My brother just scored a perfect game in bowling.

Depending on how loose you are willing to take the phrase:

I offered my hand to the stranger.

We can take my car.

It is my hope that we exceed our profits from last year.

Essentially, my means a with a personal implication:

A friend asked me to come

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No, usually my means the with a personal implication. There are some nouns where it can be used for a, and friend is one of them only in some regional dialects. –  Peter Shor Feb 4 at 16:20

If you want to convey that you have one friend in total, you use the phrase "my only friend". Just saying "my friend" is (possibly intentionally) ambiguous.

In short:

  • "A friend of mine": total number of friends is greater than one.
  • "My only friend": total number of friends is equal to one.
  • "My friend": total number of friends is unknown.

At least, that's how I interpret it. I prefer interpretations that infer the least.

P.S. Thinking about it, "a friend of mine" could imply the total number of friends is at least one. To imply the total number of friends is greater than one, the phrase "one of my friends" (note the plural antecedent) might be better.

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I think that "a friend of mine" can't imply that the total number of friends is at least one. Because in that case there would be the article "the" used. Don't you think so? As "a" means one of at least two. –  user1425 Sep 23 '13 at 16:38
"A" implies existence, but not a determinate number. The speaker might not wish to reveal the total number of friends. Also, I have never heard the phrasing "the friend of mine" in use, and if I did, it would sound pathetic. –  Mike DeSimone Sep 24 '13 at 0:01
do you mean that "a week" doesn't mean 1 week? "the friend of mine" is not what I suggest to say, it should be "my friend" instead. My point is that "a" means "one of at least two". –  user1425 Sep 24 '13 at 8:10
@Mike: Of course, you wouldn't use the friend of mine or the house of mine; you'd say my friend or my house instead. –  Peter Shor Feb 4 at 2:13
Yes, that was the point. –  Mike DeSimone Feb 5 at 15:01

protected by tchrist Sep 12 '14 at 21:53

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