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I'm in my mid 40s and dating this lady of a similar vintage. I am trying to find a good word to describe our relationship, but "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" seems inappropriate for us. It reminds me of those forty year old guys who say "I'm gittin' down wi ma hommies." It communicates, but it seems out of place.

Perhaps it is the "girl" and "boy" part that bothers me.

Any suggestions for something more appropriate?

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Jonathan Richman redeemed the term for me. – Callithumpian Jun 24 '11 at 3:23
How about "Darling"? Chiang Kai-shek called Soong May-ling so in his mid-age years. – Terry Li Oct 28 '11 at 19:14

14 Answers

up vote 15 down vote accepted

Depending on how comfortable you are with the mixed connotations of the following suggestions:

  • lover
  • partner
  • companion
  • mistress
  • significant other

You also just refer to her by name which would probably be more polite. Depending on the context you can use the term "dating":

We are dating.

Sue and I are dating.

We went on a date.

Sue is my date.


Edit: Not that there is anything wrong with girlfriend. I understand the desire to avoid it but it has its use even amongst older couples.

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+1 for some good options, and for mentioning that girlfriend would not be inappropriate (and is often used in this way, even by those much older than the questioner :-). – psmears Jun 23 '11 at 22:05
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Good summary I think. Just to add to the second section: "We are together/going out/seeing each" are also more or less equivalent. – Noldorin Jun 24 '11 at 1:24
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I'm not sure "mistress" is a good synonym. For me, at least, it has a (somewhat salacious) meaning that goes beyond a connotation. – grautur Jun 24 '11 at 2:59
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Most of these words mean something rather different from "girlfriend". "lover" is normally understood to imply a sexual relationship. This may or may not be the case in your relationship, and even if so, it probably more information than you want to give in a casual context. "mistress" is normally used to describe the woman that a married man is having an adulterous affair with. Again, I don't know if that applies to you, and if so you probably don't want to announce it publicly. – Jay Oct 28 '11 at 18:13
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(continued) There is an effort to make "partner" an accepted term for any sort of romantic relationship, but today it is mostly used by homosexual couples and people living together without benefit of marriage. If you move in morally liberal circles it may be appropriate; to more conservative people it has undesirable connotations. – Jay Oct 28 '11 at 18:15
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How about:

Sweetheart

A common term to refer to "your lady" i.e. That one, over there, she is my sweetheart.

Kinds of indicate a closeness to your heart :)

Also, if you like something more passionate:

flame

I wouldn't use "mistress", as it has a nuance that doesn't quite describe your relationship, or "partner", as that makes it sound too businesslike.

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I personally find the term beau quite endearing and appropriate for men of all ages. The feminine equivalent is belle, which is also nice.

Or you might like sweetie, if that's not too sappy.

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I'm in my early thirties, and I most often use the word lady to describe my girlfriend. As a note, though, I've used the same word since my early twenties.

However, I really see nothing wrong with using girlfriend, at any age. No one will think you any less mature (or whatever else) because of it – I certainly won't.

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Frankly, I think "girlfriend" is the best and most appropriate term. I've never understood it to imply that you are teenagers, and I really don't know any other widely-used term. There are some obsolete terms, like someone mentioned "beau" and "sweetheart", but I think these are pretty rarely used today. Well, if you're worried about sounding like you're trying to be trendy, maybe you consider sounding quaint and old-fashioned a positive thing.

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A couple options:

  • Significant other (helpfully, this seems to work for just about any relationship more significant than "just friends")
  • Lady friend
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A few options to consider:

"Significant other" or "S.O.": A bit wordy, and the abbreviation probably would get a "huh?" in conversation.

"Partner": Ok, but people will read same-sex into it unless clarified.

Both of these have a "several years girlfriend" feel to them.

"Woman I'm Dating": Wordy, but not bad.

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Yes, partner is particularly amusing when you know that your (opposite sex) partner is normally called by a shortened form of a name which would normally be assumed to be of the same gender. *8') – Mark Booth Jun 24 '11 at 14:05

For many older dating couples, the terms, lady friend and man friend, are acceptable. Or even more simply, lady and man:

  • There's my lady.
  • He's my man.

The most politically correct term might be signifcant other, but that could be interpreted by some to mean you are married. Companion and partner do not seem to work, as they most usually refer to short-term couplings, e.g. one-time dates at dances and parties, etc.

Another pair of terms I found is inamorato (male lover) and inamorata (female lover), but these words might be obscure.

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Halfway between endearing and tongue-in-cheek, there's always Keith Mars' "special lady friend". – Russell Borogove Jun 24 '11 at 17:30

I'm rather fond of squeeze myself.

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You could say lady friend, but that sounds a bit disingenuous. I think I would go with significant other, those that seems to imply marriage. You could try describing the relationship instead of labeling it by saying that you're dating.

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Lady-friend sounds close to ladybug. Cutsies – Adel Jun 25 '11 at 20:23

I'd suggest

"person I'm seeing" or "lady I'm seeing"

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The next best term is "significant other" but then you sound all-robotic-&-stuff.

After that, my "complementary gentle-being"....

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Also.
In scientific community "a collaborator" can now how this meaning.
(So, If you are talking with a scientist you better avoid the term.)

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My suggestion would be "better half."

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