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- When do I use “I” instead of “me?” 7 answers
Is it proper grammar to write:
Please join my wife and I for coffee...
Or is it
me and my wife
my wife and me
The rule is that you use 'I' if it forms part of the subject of the verb, but 'me' if it's the object or predicate.
Thus it should be 'Please join my wife and me'.
But it is correct to say:
'My wife and I are going to the theatre tonight'.
Using 'I' when it is the object in this way, such as 'He told my wife and I that he was an expert', is a VERY FREQUENT ERROR.
It is not proper to say or write "Please join my wife and I". You should use me, and it doesn't matter which order. The simple rule of thumb for deciding whether to use me or I is to take the other person out of the sentence. You wouldn't say "Please join I", so don't say "Please join my wife and I".
Objections to this use of I in object position when coordinated with a noun or another pronoun are always based on the idea that it’s me when it’s uncoordinated, so it must also be me when it’s coordinated. But, as the authors of ‘The Cambridge Grammar of the English Language' write:
Their conclusion is that constructions such as the one in your example are:
Of the three options you presented, "my wife and me" is correct.
I might use "my wife and myself" instead, though. I am unaware of a rule especially mandating or forbidding this option though. The "y" in "myself" could fill any sense of need for an i-sound.
In either case, you need the first-person singular object pronoun: "me;" or, again; "myself."