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Let's say you paid for a friend's bus ride, and he insists on paying you back rather than just let it be and stop worrying about it. You even find it rude on his part that he won't just forget about it. Is there an adjective or a phrase for such kind or a person, or for such kind of a behavior?

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How about annoying? – Alex Feb 17 '11 at 17:45
If this is done in violation of the social conventions, I would call him bad-mannered. In some circles, letting small amounts of money go without accounting between friends is a matter of exhibiting some trust, and not going along would be considered bad manners. – F'x Feb 17 '11 at 19:23
3  
I would call such a person "just like my sister." – kitukwfyer Feb 17 '11 at 19:41
I don't think there's going to be a word for this. Invariably sooner or later, either the person wanting to pay gives up, or the other person just accepts the money and is done with it… if both are being stubborn, then we need names for both. :-) – ShreevatsaR Feb 17 '11 at 21:11
@ShreevatsaR: We have a name for the stubborn giver: 'passive aggressive' :-) – adj7388 Feb 17 '11 at 21:40

7 Answers

up vote 5 down vote accepted

Fastidious can have the sort of connotation I think you're looking for.

fas·tid·i·ous (adj.)

  1. Possessing or displaying careful, meticulous attention to detail.

  2. Difficult to please; exacting.

  3. Excessively scrupulous or sensitive, especially in matters of taste or propriety.

"He was the sort of guy who might ring you at 4 in the morning to repay sixpence; the chap was fastidious about his debts."

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1  
But it's the "4 in the morning" part that makes this annoying, not the repayment. – Klay May 30 '12 at 16:26
up vote 3 down vote

Perhaps punctilious would be the word you are looking for?

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I don't think punctilious on its own has the desired negative connotation. You'd have to modify it with "overly" or "excessively" or some such. – Marthaª Feb 17 '11 at 21:07
up vote 2 down vote

I would call such a person overly or obsessively proud, or possibly haughty.

But it would depend on the culture. Such a practice is considered normal in Japan, for example, where the concept of on (face) requires it.

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+1 for "depends on the culture". To me, it's odd behaviour, but not inviting of any more judgment than "some people are just like that". I certainly wouldn't find it rude/haughty/whatever, just… special. – ShreevatsaR Feb 17 '11 at 21:10
Thank you to the very informative reference to Japan - en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Face_(sociological_concept) – Ilya Kogan Feb 18 '11 at 7:38
up vote 2 down vote

I would say this person suffers from an aversion to generosity.

That's not an adjective, but I think the phenomenon may be too complex to boil down to a single word (cultural factors? fear of indebtedness? fear of not being able to return a kindness? feelings of inferiority? etc).

Maybe generosity averse? :)

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up vote 1 down vote

I'd go for "stubbornly independent, even in the face of generosity".

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up vote 1 down vote

I would call him a nitpicker, after revieing this I'm not sure whether it would be approriate: nitpicking

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up vote 0 down vote

How about compulsively reciprocal?

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