Tell me more ×
English Language & Usage Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for linguists, etymologists, and serious English language enthusiasts. It's 100% free, no registration required.
up vote 14 down vote favorite
2

What do you call someone who betrays his/her spouse? Is the word different for men and women? Is it different for people who are in a relationship and not still married?

share|improve this question
28  
I could tell you, but the comment would get deleted. – Orbling Feb 14 '11 at 0:57
Just to be sure, you are referring specifically to sexual betrayal, yes? – Adrian Petrescu Feb 14 '11 at 3:54
@Adrian: Yes, Adrian. – Manoochehr Feb 14 '11 at 8:33
2  
@Orbling: I don't think they delete it because of being offensive. You can note that the word is offensive and warn me not to use it! – Manoochehr Feb 14 '11 at 8:37
5  
In most cases "Divorced" ;p – Tester101 Feb 24 '11 at 17:24
show 4 more comments

10 Answers

up vote 13 down vote accepted

For a word that can refer to both married people or people in a relationship, you can use cheat, cheater, two-time (informal). Two-time is also used as verb, as reported from the NOAD: He was two-timing a fiancé back in England.

For people who are married, you can use adulterer (which is gender-neutral) or adulteress (when referring to her).

share|improve this answer
4  
Do we have three-time (and so on) also? ;-) – Nivas Feb 14 '11 at 3:52
1  
Three cheers for three-time! – Tergiver Feb 14 '11 at 15:24
4  
I only know it as "two-timing bastard" or (not sure) "two-timer". – Jürgen A. Erhard Feb 14 '11 at 15:25
up vote 15 down vote

Adulterer is gender neutral but refers specifically to a marriage, not other relationships.

edit: Merriam-Webster lists a female form, adulteress, but it seems to have fallen into disuse.

share|improve this answer
I don't think "adulterer" is used much more than "adulteress". Try it out, use it with ordinary people and watch their reactions. – Jürgen A. Erhard Feb 13 '11 at 20:58
That would depend on their background... However in some, such as christian backgrounds, the term can be highly offensive - and focuses on the more lustful/sexual aspects of the term, not mere betrayal. – Arafangion Feb 14 '11 at 3:40
The word can be synonymous to Philanderer and Womanizer. – ikartik90 Feb 15 '11 at 8:46
The use of adulterer and adulteress seems to hav stayed more or less steady since the '40s books.google.com/ngrams/… – AnWulf Feb 8 '12 at 4:25
up vote 14 down vote

The term philanderer could be used, although it is more rare and often used along with the other terms mentioned (adulterer/adulteress/two-timer/cheater). The person who engages in philandering is a person who engages in at least one, if not many frivolous sexual exploits outside of the bounds of marriage. Philanderer has a strong male connotation. I have not heard this term used in reference to females.

You dirty, rotten, two-timing, cheating, adulterous philanderer! I trusted you!

When referring to an unfaithful woman, sometimes much more vulgar terms are used, usually in relation to her sexual morals and/or her potential willingness to engage in prostitution.

share|improve this answer
Funny, I was familiar with the term "philanderer" because of Shaw's play dated 1893, and I thought the word was quite obsolete. However, running through Google for frequency, I realized that the period in which the term was used most often is between 1920 and 1940, and after that it has remained pretty stable... – Paola Apr 22 '12 at 23:29
up vote 12 down vote

Most commonly the betrayer is referred to as an adulterer, although cheater works as a more colloquial term. I'm pretty sure it is gender neutral, as well.

share|improve this answer
Interesting, I never really thought about adulterer only applying to marriages. – Nick Coelius Feb 13 '11 at 20:54
2  
Technically, adultery refers to the act of a married person having sex with someone who is not their spouse. Although some consider pre-marital copulation to be adultery, it is not technically so. – oosterwal Feb 13 '11 at 23:10
1  
@oosterwal: in fact, there is a word for pre-marital sex: fornication. – Marthaª Feb 14 '11 at 17:49
@Martha fornication only refers to the act of pre-marital sex, it doesn't imply any sort of betrayal or cheating-on – Nick Coelius Feb 17 '11 at 19:12
precisely. – Marthaª Feb 17 '11 at 19:15
up vote 12 down vote

The technical/formal/old(?) term is adulterer/adulteress.

The term used by ordinary people in not-extremely-formal contexts is cheater.

share|improve this answer
up vote 6 down vote

The word for a man/woman who is married and has sex with a woman/man who is not his/her wife/husband is adulterer/adulteress

share|improve this answer
3  
Just have to note that it's "adulterer", not "adulter". ;-) – Jürgen A. Erhard Feb 13 '11 at 21:00
@jae: That's right. Edited the answer. – user4873 Feb 14 '11 at 9:44
Surely one can commit adultery with a member of the same sex. – FordBuchanan Mar 2 '11 at 22:38
@Ford: Logically, yes, but legally I'm not so sure (in the sense that it would be termed such in a court; infidelity or some other term might be favored there). – Mitch Apr 2 '11 at 16:22
1  
@TheRaven ... I disagree. Adulterer and adulteress hav stayed more or less steady since the '40s: books.google.com/ngrams/… – AnWulf Feb 8 '12 at 4:23
show 1 more comment
up vote 6 down vote

Cheating on one's spouse is not the only way to betray them; there are several others e.g. disclosing a spouse's deepest secrets, causing your spouse some form of public humiliation, etc.

If the betrayal involves sexual escapades or an illicit/extramarital affair, then relevant terms are:

cheat • womanizer • skirt-chaser • adulterer[ress] • fornicator • heartbreaker • philanderer • husband-snatcher • two-timer • unfaithful spouse • ladies' man • seductress • Don Juan • Casanova

share|improve this answer
up vote 5 down vote

While English does retain some nouns for a person who displays infidelity in a marital relationship, these terms have the sense of being curiously dated. To call a person "a cheat" or "a philanderer" harkens back to the kind of language you'd hear in some Doris Day-Rock Hudson comedy from yesteryear.

It is possible to say, "he's an adulterer," but to do so is branding the person with an identity, and socially it's becoming less permissible to do that. Rather, the more common ways to express this sort of thing is through more active terms that describe the activity itself:

  • He's cheating on her.
  • She's seeing another man.
  • He was unfaithful to her.
  • She went around behind his back.

Etc.

share|improve this answer
Agreed. Even words like two-timer sound a bit dated now. (Unfortunately, in my humble opinion.) – Wayne May 17 '11 at 15:57
It would probably be perfectly acceptable to call someone an adulterer if they were actually convicted of adultery, in the same way it is only permissible to call someone a murderer if they were actually convicted of or had confessed to murder. Many people forget that adultery is actually illegal still, at least it is in my state. Here it is actually on the books at a punishment up to life in prison, though that would never happen in the modern day. – Lawton Jun 13 '12 at 20:35
up vote 3 down vote

From a British perspective, I would say that cheat (exactly the same spelling as the verb) and two-timer (with an r) are the standard nouns describing people outside a marriage. Cheater is used colloquially, but is frowned upon as incorrect. Two-time is used as a verb, not a noun.

As others have stated, adulterer and adulteress are the standard, formal terms for people within a marriage.

share|improve this answer
How is cheater incorrect (or thought of as incorrect)? – Mitch Apr 2 '11 at 16:22
up vote 2 down vote

Perhaps not PC, but in English common law betrayal of one's husband (or lord) was called petit treason. However this tended to be for extreme betrayals: a knife in the back where the blade was rather more solid than a metaphor.

share|improve this answer

Your Answer

 
discard

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.