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This is to confirm the number of people for an event I am hosting with someone else; which of the following is correct:

A. Until then, if you all could confirm your attendance [either] with John or myself [,] it'd be highly appreciated.

B. Until then, if you all could confirm your attendance with [either] John or me [,] it'd be highly appreciated.

C. Until then, if you all could confirm your attendance with [either] John or I [,] it'd be highly appreciated.

Do I need either, and a comma as well?

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Note: this is not a reflexive pronoun. C is grammatically incorrect; both A and B are grammatically correct, A is just more emphatic than B. –  Janus Bahs Jacquet Aug 30 '13 at 17:30
So, myself is a reflexive pronoun, sometimes; and then there are instances of myself that aren't reflexive pronouns? How can one tell the difference? –  John Lawler Aug 30 '13 at 17:33
As this sounds like a pretty formal event, I would suggest A and to and write the full form: "it would be highly appreciated". –  Mari-Lou A Aug 30 '13 at 17:56
Personally, I don't like "if you all could confirm": I'd write "if you could all confirm" - But I'm British & maybe the other is more common in AmE. I would also omit "either". –  TrevorD Aug 30 '13 at 19:39
@TrevorD If in the Southern US, you all would be much more acceptable. –  bib Aug 30 '13 at 21:33

3 Answers 3

Some people do use the reflexive pronoun myself as in A, but it isn’t normally necessary. Me, as in B, is enough. The use of I, as in C, is frequently found, but many people don’t like it, so it’s best avoided if you think your readers will be among them.

Either isn't necessary, but a comma before it'd will help readers, because it shows the start of a new clause.

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I would suggest I is wrong. It is being used as the object of a preposition which requires an objective case pronoun. –  bib Aug 30 '13 at 21:35
You might like to take a look at page 9 here: catdir.loc.gov/catdir/samples/cam033/2001025630.pdf where the authors of ‘The Cambridge Grammar of the English Language’ consider the example ‘They invited my partner and I to lunch.’ As they say, ‘why should we simply assume that the grammatical rules for case assignment cannot differentiate between a coordinated and a non-coordinated pronoun?’ –  Barrie England Aug 31 '13 at 6:05
A brief review of the paragraph is interesting, but gives no explanation or structural guidance as to why it's acceptable as standard English except to say listeners can distinguish between singular and plural constructions (and imply listeners can understand alternate rules), but they do not explain any standard rule. –  bib Aug 31 '13 at 11:47
I do appreciate the avoidance of rigidity (which is futile eventually because language has to grow) but how do you distinguish between common ungrammatical mistakes and evolving acceptable change? –  bib Aug 31 '13 at 13:48
Too big a question to pursue here perhaps, but Henry Sweet, writing in 1891, was on the right lines: 'In considering the use of grammar as a corrective of what are called "ungrammatical" expressions, it must be borne in mind that the rules of grammar have no value except as statements of facts: whatever is in general use in a language is for that very reason grammatically correct.' –  Barrie England Aug 31 '13 at 13:54

Although there are people who accept form A, I think most educated native English speakers consider it a solecism. The simplest, safest rule is that if you think you could either say "me" or "myself" then you should say "me."

And, yes, I think you want that comma.

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Use of a reflexive pronoun in a place where a normal personal pronoun would work always seems to me to reflect an attempt to be more formal simply by using formal words more often than usual, rather than by using words correctly in formal constructions. Rather like asking Whom shall I say is calling? because whom is a more formal word than who. –  John Lawler Aug 30 '13 at 20:41

Your invitation does not need the word "either." The comma preceding "it'd" is grammatically correct. And "B" is the only correct version. The pronoun "me" is used in a prepositional phrase. The word "myself" is very often misused -- by uneducated and college educated people alike. See "The Goof-Proofer" by Stephen J. Manhard or "Goof Proof Grammar" by Felice Primeau Devine to learn the correct usage.

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Welcome! If you could give a specific quote from either of your cited sources, we could compare it with the advice given by some others which suggests that (A) also may be appropriate. That would round out the answer. –  Matt Gutting Jul 21 at 19:27

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