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When I see someone else being embarrassed / humiliated, for example a singer forgetting their words in a concert, I would say something like "I feel embarrassed for them". But is there a better word to describe this feeling?

I would say it's a mix of:

  • Empathetic discomfort for someone else's humiliation
  • Tension; hope that spectators will be forgiving
  • Frustration that I cannot help them

Other scenarios I would feel the same emotion:

  • Seeing someone make a presentation, the slides are all out of order, and their face gets red with embarrassment while there's a tense silence in the room.
  • Seeing someone make an embarrassing social blunder in front of unforgiving people.
  • Seeing a speaker who keeps making a distracting and annoying gesture, and they don't realize that the whole audience is annoyed.
  • Seeing someone be taken advantage of, like seeing someone naively and happily accept a terrible offer on a car.
  • Seeing a person of strong image (for example the CEO of your company) do something like accidentally leave their webcam on after a conference call, and employees see him/her let out a big burp and pick their nose or something.

In these cases it's important that the audience is not forgiving, even if they don't confront the person about it. The person may or may not know they are being humiliated.

"Pity" as proposed in an answer seems very close, but I think it lacks a few components. I think "pity" has a chronic connotation - that you are referring to the general state of things rather than a specific event.

I think "pity" also depends on the subject suffering, but in my example they are often oblivious.

It could very well be that there is no word for this at all.

NOTE: Some people do not feel the same way I do in this scenario, so you may not think this question makes any sense.

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7  
I do not believe that all people have the same emotion in this situation. – Dour High Arch Feb 12 '11 at 16:42
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obviously the question only applies to people who understand what i'm talking about. – tenfour Feb 12 '11 at 17:22
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I think @Dour High Arch’s point is that the question in the title doesn’t really match the question in the body. In the body of the question, it’s clear you mean a specific emotion. But “the emotion of seeing someone humiliated” could be anything, from compassion to shame to schadenfreude… For the specific emotion you’re after in the body of the question, I’m afraid I can’t think of anything better than “feeling embarrassed for them” — but on the other hand, I think that itself is a pretty good phrase, and is generally well understood. – PLL Feb 12 '11 at 19:50
Thanks for the feedback - I edited the title to emphasize that it's my personal emotion I'm talking about. – tenfour Feb 12 '11 at 20:04
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I'll have to vote along with @PLL. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the phrase "I feel <emotion> for <person>" -- it's the most succinct way, I think, of saying not only that you empathise, but how you would feel in the same situation. – bye Feb 22 '11 at 15:49
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12 Answers

up vote 6 down vote accepted

Does "cringe-making" help? I think you're trying to express a feeling of discomfort created in the viewer, irrespective of the other person's self-awareness. I saw this word used to describe moments in Vince Vaughan's performance in the movie "The Dilemma."

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1  
+1 I think this is closer than pity to the emotion being described. – ukayer Feb 12 '11 at 20:10
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I thought "cringe-inducing" was more standard here, but Googling shows 1.9 million hits for "cringe-making" vs. 118,000 for "cringe-inducing", not including various official dictionary definitions for the former. Huh. – Billare Feb 28 '11 at 1:45
I think "cringe-making" may be more of a British expression. I've never heard it before (I'm American); I would've used "cringeworthy" in this situation. – Nathan Reed Jan 9 at 4:23
up vote 6 down vote

How about commiseration?

Wiktionary:

The act of commiserating; sorrow for the wants, afflictions, or distresses of another; pity; compassion.

Merriam-Webster:

  1. sorrow or the capacity to feel sorrow for another's suffering or misfortune
  2. the capacity for feeling for another's unhappiness or misfortune
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This is the best answer. – andrewdotnich Apr 10 '12 at 3:35
up vote 5 down vote

"Embarrassment by proxy" is perhaps accurate, but doesn't roll off the tongue. By the way, the emotion you describe is the basis for popular TV shows (in the US) like The Office and Curb Your Enthusiasm.

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1  
In fact, the emotion is common to all sitcoms. Which is why I simply can't watch sitcoms. – Marthaª Feb 18 '11 at 6:36
The name for that genre of comedy, by the way, is Cringe Comedy. – Nicholas Aug 7 '11 at 2:09
I thought those were more about schadenfreude? A sort of antipathy. – sep332 Feb 24 '12 at 22:32
up vote 4 down vote

You could also say that you pity them.

pity the feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by the suffering and misfortunes of others [Webster's]

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+1. Yours is way better than mine IMO :) – Johannes Schaub - litb Feb 12 '11 at 15:04
1  
I think this works technically, but I don't think I would use it in the context I propose. It could be that I have a hard time explaining this -- perhaps because there is no word for it. For example if you feel bad for a teacher who doesn't realize he has toilet paper stuck to his shoe, I would not say I "pity" them. But the emotion is the same as in my original question. Or maybe my own connotations with "pity" are wrong :) – tenfour Feb 12 '11 at 18:58
this answers the title of the question, but I think what the OP was really after is the more specific emotion described in the body of the question. – PLL Feb 12 '11 at 19:51
@PLL: The OP has added extensive edits. I was responding to the original small paragraph. – Robusto Feb 12 '11 at 22:28
up vote 4 down vote

Fremdschämen - it's a German word meaning "external shame," sort of the opposite of schadenfreude, where you see someone in an embarrassing situation and feel the embarrassment vicariously.

It's the lynchpin of a lot of comedy television; The Office is a notable example.

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up vote 2 down vote

If you don't want to use "pity" for it, the phrase I would use in those situations is "feel bad for", which you already almost touched on when you said "feel embarrassed for". Feeling bad for someone has a broader sense than simply feeling embarrassed for them, since it can be applied to many negative situations other than simple humiliation, so in that sense it may actually be less of what you're looking for; but it may also broad enough to encompass the meaning you're seeking.

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up vote 2 down vote

I picked up the phrase second-hand embarrassment from a review of a certain movie. Not a reliable source, but seems like a legit phrase.

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up vote 1 down vote

"Pity" carries the implication of superiority: you can pity an animal or a bum on the street, or someone with a terminal illness, but in these situations what you feel is sort of the opposite of schadenfreude: You feel embarrassed and uncomfortable by someone else's embarrassment or discomfort (even if it's something they're not actually feeling, in the case of someone who doesn't know they've left the webcam on).

So, I'd rather unhelpfully say that we don't have a single word for that feeling, but I'd add that it might help to say you "share" their shame, or embarrassment, or whatever. As long as you don't say you "feel their pain". That phrase has been taken.

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up vote 1 down vote

Pena ajena (Mexican Spanish): The embarrassment you feel watching someone else's humiliation

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I'm upvoting this one because the mere fact that an Anglophone posted that expression at all is prima facie evidence that there's no equivalent English term. – FumbleFingers Jan 9 at 3:22
up vote 0 down vote

Perhaps, "I felt their embarrassment vicariously", or maybe "I partook in their embarrassment vicariously".

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up vote 0 down vote

I love the phrase "external shame". I think it absolutely captures the weight of the emotion.

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up vote -2 down vote

I suggest that one might feel shame.

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1  
If you would add a short explanation of why you think it is the best word, then you wouldn't have to add filler. That's really why the restriction is there. – mmyers Feb 23 '11 at 17:35
oopps sorry, dont know how this site works. so sorry if i offended (am i up to 30 yet?) – iminei Mar 14 '11 at 18:19
This is really a comment, not an answer to the question. Please use "add comment" to leave feedback for the author. – Matt Эллен Aug 22 '12 at 9:03

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