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Mark is crying, sitting in the middle of the hall.
Mark is sitting in the middle of the hall and crying.

I know both sentences are grammatically correct. But which is good for creative writing?

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closed as off topic by Kris, tchrist, MετάEd, Andrew Leach, RegDwigнt May 4 '13 at 0:52

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This isn't the place to ask for advice on creative writing. And the stage directions for a screenplay ain't creative writing by a long shot. Look at other screen plays for advice, not to people who cavil about grammaticality & idiomatic usage. We're useless for that. –  user21497 May 3 '13 at 8:09
    
I like the phase structure (cf went shopping; lay sleeping): Mark sits crying in the middle of the hall. –  Edwin Ashworth May 3 '13 at 8:26
    
It is unclear what you mean by creative writing. Do you mean informal writing? Capturing local dialect? Being more poetic? –  Mitch May 3 '13 at 23:19
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1 Answer 1

Neither sentence reads particularly well. In the first sentence, the run-on “sitting in the middle of the hall” sounds like a tacked-on afterthought. The second is verbose (due to its present progressive verb forms) and flat.

You might consider forms like

Mark, sitting in the middle of the hall, is crying.
Mark sits in the middle of the hall and cries.
Mark is crying in the hall.
Mark sits in the hall and cries.

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jwpat7, this sentence is for a screenplay. I think, in screenplays, the first sentence is the preferred way to write. –  user43286 May 3 '13 at 8:02
    
For stage directions in a screenplay, write “Mark sits in the middle of the hall and cries” with simple present tense verbs instead of roundabout present progressive “is sitting” and “is crying”. Or write “Mark sits in the hall and cries” rather than micromanaging whether he sits in the middle of the hall. –  jwpat7 May 3 '13 at 8:15
    
Well, the reason I use present progressive is - Mark already sat and started crying before he appears in the screen. So screen shows an ongoing action which already started. –  user43286 May 4 '13 at 19:15
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