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Did I use "albeit" correctly in this sentence?

Here is the essay (which is word-for-word, albeit some segments I took out).

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albeit: Even though; although; notwithstanding: clear albeit cold weather. What do you think? –  Gnawme Apr 24 '13 at 20:27
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Not really, and your word-for-word is not exactly clear either. Do you perhaps mean something like this: here is the essay, which is a word-for-word translation, except for some segments that I took out. –  Cerberus Apr 24 '13 at 20:56
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@Cerb, can we use "word by word" rather than "word-for-word"? I checked on Merriam Webster, but I do not find the by-version. –  user19148 Apr 24 '13 at 21:08
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@Carlo_R.: word-for-word is usually used in contexts where you mean an exact rendering of words previously uttered/written, so it wouldn't normally be used in reference to a translation (since it's impossible for the rendered output to be identical to the original). Thus, a word-for-word translation could only be understood as meaning word-by-word (each word was translated "in isolation", meaning that probably some idiomatic expressions would come out as gibberish in the new language). –  FumbleFingers Apr 24 '13 at 21:18
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@ asldkfj: It may be just a personal preference, but I expect the (somewhat dated/archaic) word albeit to specifically modify the "target" word. In this case, the "target" should be either the essay, or the description word-for-word. I would therefore prefer something like "...albeit with some segments removed". That maintains a closer link between the albeit clause and the target modified thereby. –  FumbleFingers Apr 24 '13 at 21:25

2 Answers 2

It doesn't work with "I took out some sections". It would be smoother like this:

"Here is the essay, word-for-word, albeit with some sections removed."

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Yes - the best replacement here is though, perhaps with a hint of though admittedly. –  Edwin Ashworth Apr 24 '13 at 21:11
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@EdwinAshworth, I can "see" "though" instead of "albeit", or even "admittedly I have removed some sections". –  Kristina Lopez Apr 24 '13 at 21:18
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+1 I was just writing much the same sentiment in a comment while you were posting this answer! OP's original is clunky because it uses albeit in a more general way, to mean although. Presumably like me, you expect the "it" of "albeit" to be a clearly-identified word/concept (in this case, either the essay, or word-for-word). We both went for exactly the same rephrasing, I notice. –  FumbleFingers Apr 24 '13 at 21:31
    
I think you're querying my suggested (merely to explain the functioning of albeit) rewrite "Here is the essay, word-for-word, though admittedly with some sections removed" , Kristina? 'Admittedly' here is a discourse marker (speech act) (or traditionally, a sentence adverb) and is short for the comment clause 'I have to admit'. It is a parenthetical, but doesn't need the commas 'I have to admit' would. –  Edwin Ashworth Apr 24 '13 at 21:37
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It gave me a chance to again champion 'pragmatic markers' as a better alternative class for part of the contents of the adverb dustbin. But thank you for the admission. Oh, and I've now had another thought - is 'admittedly' ever used as an adverb? The AHD doesn't indicate so, and Collins classes it solely as a speech-act pragmatic marker (though it uses the term 'sentence modifier'). Most -ly form pragmatic markers also have existences as what we all agree are adverbs (verb modifiers). Frankly, I'd speak frankly with him. –  Edwin Ashworth Apr 25 '13 at 6:26

No. Albeit takes a descriptive phrase: usually an adjective, adverb or prepositional phrase. You are trying to use it either with a clause (if some sections I took out is an inverted form of I took out some sections) or a noun phrase (if it means some section [that] I took out). Neither possibility it grammatical. Kristina Lopez has given you an example that works.

(Some people do follow albeit with a clause, but require the clause to begin with that. I wouldn't use this construction myself).

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