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Are the commas in the right places in the following sentence?

I want to combine my experiences in software development and network administration with the skills I acquired at university in one job.

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2 Answers 2

up vote 4 down vote accepted

It's grammatically correct; but

  1. You don't combine past experience and skills in a job, you apply them in it or bring them to bear on it.

  2. What you're selling is not your experiences, plural, but your experience, singular

  3. The phrase in one job is a l o n g way from the verb. That's a bit much for a harried recruiter, who is probably reading two or three hundred of these a day.

I suggest something more like:

I want a position which draws upon both my [CHARACTERIZE: extensive, hands-on, whatever you can claim] experience in software development and network administration and the [again, CHARACTERIZE or ENUMERATE] skills I acquired at university.

Remember: nobody really cares what you say you want; everybody knows it's just a conventional sentence you have to include. Use it to say what you want your prospective employer to hear, which is those pieces I label CHARACTERIZE.

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The sentence is correct without any commas. The prepositional phrases (with the..., at uni... and in one...) do not need to be separated from the main clause and in fact, belong with it.

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