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For my english class I am writing an essay about social networking.

My thesis:

Sophisticated social network technologies such as Facebook, can negatively affect the brain development of the new generation by rewiring the brain and replacing real life(face to face) communication which is essential to develop socially.

Is it good? What improvements can be made?

Thanks.

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Is that all? Do you want us to spot the grammatical mistakes? Kind of a small thesis –  Somesh Mukherjee Mar 7 '13 at 17:11
    
Sorry, hbb, this isn't the kind of thing we do here. –  KitFox Mar 7 '13 at 17:17
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Welcome! Not only would this be far too broad and complex a topic for a thesis in class, it is also not within the scope of English as a subject in school or academia. Lastly, I'm afraid this question is off topic here. –  Cerberus Mar 7 '13 at 17:18
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Don't listen to @Cerb. It's a fine topic for a general essay for English class. –  KitFox Mar 7 '13 at 17:20
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Per the faq (english.stackexchange.com/faq) Proofreading ("are there any mistakes?"), unless the source of concern is clearly specified. Writing advice or critique requests (see Writers.SE instead—note critique requests must meet their criteria) –  Jim Mar 7 '13 at 18:03
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closed as off topic by Robusto, KitFox Mar 7 '13 at 17:17

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1 Answer

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Sophisticated social network*ing* platforms such as Facebook, can adversely affect the brain development of the newer generations(why just the new generations?) by rewiring the brain and replacing personal and physical interaction with online communication in effect stymieing their social skills.

That's the grammar. One the content: The thing is if it does replace personal communication for an entire generation, it would not affect social skills since the social skills would be based on the mode of interaction most used by the generation.

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Only answer that was helpful. Thanks. –  hbb Mar 7 '13 at 17:39
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