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I have an example:

I have two bikes. Both of them are expensive models. The first one has a red color and the second one has a green color. One of them is damaged because of its old age. And one of them (not the damaged one) also is not in very good condition. I am afraid.

The main problem is I am using "one" too many times. That sounds a little bit "crazy" IMO. Does anyone have any other structure which also can express the similar meaning above?

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closed as off topic by Kris, tchrist, FumbleFingers, Bill Franke, Kristina Lopez Feb 4 '13 at 16:46

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This is essentially proofreading and not allowed. However, I can look at it as a request to correct poor usage. –  user21497 Feb 4 '13 at 14:46
    
@BillFranke Why would you "look at it" if it were essentially proofreading that is off-topic on ELU? –  Kris Feb 4 '13 at 14:47
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It's always more difficult when you're trying to hide information. The text so far has avoided labelling one bike by more than feature at a time. The normal way to do it would be to talk about one bike that has the most features (say, old, green, expensive, damaged), which would become it, and then you call the other one just the other. Tell a story; that's what language is for. –  John Lawler Feb 4 '13 at 14:49
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@Kris: Because I think it ought to be migrated to ELL and I'm free to answer the question right now. This is the kind of thing I like to do. I might miss the opportunity later. I'm only sometimes a hardass. –  user21497 Feb 4 '13 at 14:52
    
@Wasazz: Say is green, not has a green colour. Don't bother with first, because it doesn't mean anything here. And use the other so you don't need the bit in brackets. For example, I have two bikes, both expensive models. One is red, the other green. One is damaged because of old age, and I'm afraid the other is not in very good condition either. But firstly note that things aren't normally "damaged" by "old age", and secondly note that you haven't given any indication of which colour the older one is. But sorry - it is proofreading. –  FumbleFingers Feb 4 '13 at 15:01

1 Answer 1

The paragraph should read thus:

I have two bikes. Both are expensive. One is red and the other is green. The red one's damaged because it's old and has been well used. The green one's not in very good condition either, I'm sorry to say.

This is only one possibility, and I don't claim that it's the best rewrite: It's too much a list, but there is some value in showing you how to reduce the number of times you use "one" in the paragraph. There are many other ways of rewriting this in idiomatic English. John Lawler's comment suggests a better way, but I'm not up to writing a story for you. You can (and should) take his advice.

Your translation uses either Japanese or Chinese structures (e.g., red color and green color, which native English speakers don't use in this context. To write good English, it's necessary to use standard English sentence structures. You'll need to read more English essays to study those structures.

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