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A person who speaks kindly. Sometimes she might be hard, but fair.

What is an adjective to describe such person?

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Maybe you want someone who practices tough love.

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Tough love is good – Mynamite Feb 3 '13 at 22:53

I would call her firm. That implies strictness with kindness, to me.

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How does firm include kindness? – tchrist Feb 3 '13 at 22:16
I admit this is subjective. It implies patience, steadfastness, and consistency, qualities I would associate with someone doing the right thing, ie ultimately the kind, fair thing, even though it might be tough and not look that way to everyone. "Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind" – Mynamite Feb 3 '13 at 22:39

The freedictionary defines “an iron fist/hand in a velvet glove” as something that you say when you are describing someone who seems to be gentle but is in fact severe and firm.

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Does that include fair? Sound like someone who is not nice, not someone who is just. – tchrist Feb 3 '13 at 22:38

I would call her "objectively insightful."

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