In German, we call the result of one particular dump as well as the doing it itself
sein Geschäft machen (to do a deal/business)
This is common and fit for print. Is there something similar in English that I could use in the following sentence
After his morning _ ,...
Or what other ways are there to express that without being vulgar or too technical?
I don't know of any nouns that fit your proposed phrase, but there are a few verbal phrases that might suit your purposes.
American speakers (and possibly other English speakers) use the euphemism of relieving oneself. So, in your example, you might say:
In the morning, after he relieved himself...
Like the German phrase you mention, English also includes the euphemism to do one's business, but it usually carries an implication of immaturity toward the object of the expression:
do one's business, (usually of an animal or child) to defecate or urinate: housebreaking a puppy to do his business outdoors.
So we might say,
After my dog Sparky did his business on his favorite tree, we returned home.
The phrase "morning constitutional" is ambiguously used to mean either a morning walk, or a morning "dump". So "After his morning constitutional..."
Another possibility: "After spending some time on the throne..."
Unless one is accounting for his activities to his doctor in which case he'd say he had a bowel movement at 9:00 AM today, it would probably suffice to say any of the following:
He made a pit stop
He took a bathroom break
He visited the men's room
He went to the bathroom
All of these are acceptable in mixed company, though they do tend to fall under the category of TMI (too much information) - and none clearly differentiate between urinating and defecating.
As apsillers notes, "doing one's business" works in English. I think you could even use "business" directly in your fill-in-the-blank, especially if you put it in double-quotes to indicate its euphemistic nature:
After his morning "business," Joe headed out for a coffee.
A little more verbose, but another common option for politely referring to the act is to refer to time spent in the bathroom:
Joe took a few minutes in the bathroom, and then he headed out for a coffee.
FWIW, I don't think I'd ever use "constitutional" in the way that Ernest did.
We Brits, for whatever reasons, don't seem to like to discuss the formalities of urination and defecation.
In fact, we are so afraid to discuss these acts that we have given them numbers.
Having a wee is "going for a number one" whilst having a poo is "going for a number two".
You could quite easily get away with the perfectly non-vulgar:
After having his number two this morning, he...
It is slightly vulgar but an expression that is similar to the German one you are familiar with, and common among friends is to say one 'dropped a load'.
Every morning after dropping a load, John...
I just dropped a serious load! Do not go in there!
The term 'relieved' is the most common and politically correct way of referring to the activity of one defecating.
Every morning after relieving himself, John...
My English father would say he was "going to see a man about a dog". I don't think that would work with an American audience.
Perhaps:
After finishing his breakfast, Martin released a load and brushed his teeth.
or
After finishing his breakfast, Martin did away with an intestinal dragon and brushed his teeth thereafter.
or
After finishing his breakfast, Martin ferociously had his way with the toilet and brushed his teeth afterward.
or
After finishing his breakfast, Martin voided a faecal contract and brushed his teeth shortly after.
Why not?
Dump is a perfectly good word for this and it is not (very) vulgar. It's not refined either but can be used in relatively polite conversation (inasmuch as you can have a polite conversation when discussing the subject at hand):
4. informal an act of defecation.
So, you could say
After his morning dump...
It is not the most polite of terms, but it is not as vulgar as all that either. Similarly, you could use crap:
After his morning crap...
Again, it is not a particularly refined or polite word but it is not really vulgar as such either. As you can see in the Ngram below, while the vulgar shit is the most common, both dump and crap are also used:
There's a great phrase in the book "2001: A Space Odyssey" which is both very polite and clear. It talks about an astronaut "attending to his toilet." (I can't find an online copy to link, and I don't have a copy on hand to cite a page number.)
This is respectful and euphemistic without being crass or embarrassing.
If there is a concern about ambiguity, and it's important to reference defecation in contrast to urination, the most polite way is to call it a "bowel movement."
"In the morning, after his bowel movement..." or "...after he had moved his bowels..."
it's polite, acceptable and specific to the act.
Of interest is that the act of going to the bathroom to urinate or defecate is often expressed as "going to the little boys'/girls' room",especially when in a public place.I suppose this betrays the speaker's embarrassment about bodily functions,as opposed to little children,who are not yet socialized.
